I've Done More then Gone Berserk
by horsie606
Summary: Saix's past all started in a Labratory. If they never created him, then this never would have happened.


My childhood starts with a laboratory. A laboratory, a test tube and the hopes to make a special kind of baby. Yes, I am a test tube baby, created in a lab with no hopes of a future. When I was proven worthless, not the child they hoped to create, I was put up for adoption. I never figured out why they created me, I never knew why I wasn't good enough. When I was 3, I was adopted by my parents. They already had four other children when I came in to the family portrait. Alexander was the oldest at 9 years old, Neville was 6, Raine was 5 and little Yuki was only 2 years old. Alexander and Neville never liked me from the start. I was always their scape goat, getting blamed for everything. Raine was the favourite of the family. She was always right and always got what she wanted. Yuki, Yuki was the only one of them I liked. She and I were friends from day one, she was just the biggest sweetheart. I say she was the only one I liked and that includes both my siblings and my parents. My parents, though I'm grateful for them adopting me, they always belittled me. My mother had the idea that, since I was a test tube baby, I had to be perfect. If I was anything short of perfect, she beat me. She beat all of us, save for Raine, Raine was always perfect. Yuki died as a result of her not being perfect.

I was in Grade 2 and Yuki had just started Grade 1. One day, she brought home a test where she had only gotten one out of ten. She accidentally left the test on the dining room table and then her and I went outside to play in the backyard. My mom found the test and came storming outside, shoving Yuki to the ground and kicking her. Remember Yuki was only around 6 years old, she couldn't fight back. I tried to stop my mom but she pushed me back, which made me trip and hit my head on the concrete. Everything went fuzzy and dark. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was a tiny voice scream,

"Isa help!"

When I woke up, Yuki was gone. She was gone and when I went back inside it was like she never even existed. I ran up to my room and cried that night, I was supposed to protect Yuki, I was her big brother. My parents never spoke of her again to them she didn't exist anymore.

At school, I was an outcast. Yuki was really my only friend and when she died I was alone. I really didn't want to make new friends because I didn't want people to ask about my bruises, left by my parents. I stayed alone then, my only friend was the current book I was reading. The other kids picked on me because I liked being alone, but I was used to the abuse.

One day, a small red-headed boy came walking up to me. I glanced up at him but when he said nothing I went back to reading my book. He grabbed said book and tossed it away from me. Great another bully. I scurried over to my book and carefully picked it up, smoothing out the pages.

"How can you read that? There's no pictures." He asked, watching me as I continued to read.

"I like to read." I mumbled back, trying to find out when I had left off. Once I found it and began to read again, he still continued to stand there, just watching me. I wondered why he was choosing to me to me, I mean, I was the awkward boy who nobody liked. Who would want to talk to me?

"Name's Lea. Got it memorized?"

"Isa." I muttered back, a bit of a smile playing on my lips. He was kind of cute, just standing around, trying to make conversation with me. He sat down next to me after a minute and looked over my shoulder. I liked how close he was to me, it made my stomach do backflips.

"If you want me to read to you, I'd be happy too." I said, flashing him a small smile and fighting an incredible urge to kiss him on the cheek.

After that day, we became friends. Eventually that turned into best friends and we went nowhere without each other. Lea slept over at my house almost every night and some nights he'd put his arm around me. I was falling in love with Lea, I just wanted us to be together. I knew he was gay but I didn't know if he would go for me or not. When we had our first kiss in the park, I was so overjoyed. It was the most perfect, beautiful moment in my life. He was so perfect to me. We only dated for 8 months until he felt the need to break up with me. At the time, I thought I wasn't good enough for him, like there was something wrong with me and when our friendship faded, everything went downhill.

When I was 14 I cut myself for the first time. The pain felt good, it let my emotional pain be replaced by physical. I could control the physical pain. I had lost my sister, my best friend, my trust in people and my will to live. I couldn't stand the way my life was going. As I was entering High School, there was more pressure on me. I was beaten more often, told I wasn't good enough countless number of times and if I tried to fight back I was beaten harder. I couldn't do it anymore. I overdosed for the first time when I was 16 and then another time when I was 17. Sadly, my brothers saved me bother times. I continued to cut though until I was around 23.

When I was 19, I went on a walk to clear my mind. Neville had once again, tried to kiss me and I just needed to get away. Neville had tried to kiss me on several occasions, but Lea was always there to stop him. But Lea was gone now…

As I was on my walk, I saw a tuft of red hair slowly walking towards me. I blinked a couple times before my mind registered what I was seeing. Lea? Lea's here? I stopped in my tracks, was Lea really right here? He stared at me for a second before he pulled me into his arms and whispered to me,

"My god, I've missed you." He kissed me on the cheek and grabbed my hand. As he dragged me along the sidewalk, we talked about everything that had happened since we last saw each other. We were smiling and laughing and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy. That happiness faded though when a man stopped in front of us and pulled a gun out of his jacket. It scared me to see him for the first time, it scared me how Lea was trying to push me behind him but what didn't scare me though, was when I pushed him out of the way and took the bullet for him. I thought I had saved Lea but now I know differently.

I'm going to skip me becoming a Nobody because it's all the same and it's rather dull. Axel and I stayed friends for a little bit but then Roxas came along. When Roxas came, Axel spent every moment he could with that foul little boy. He left me to fend for myself and in turn my ever growing depression worsened. My cutting reached a new height and I learned (twice) that Nobodies can't die from suicide, we come back within hours. I became numb, I really felt like I had no emotions, no hope.

Xemnas saw my emotionlessness and thought I was a model Nobody and took me as his second in command. Being second in command, made me…how should I say this…Xemnas' personal fuck buddy. Since he believed that we had no emotions, he used me as an object of his own pleasure. He'd have sex with me when he was stressed, angry, or just wanting to cause something to bleed. I let him do what he wanted to me, anything to get my mind away from how much I missed Axel.

A couple months after becoming a Nobody, Axel ended up in the hospital. I went to go visit him, only to find him in a coma with possible brain damage and a sobbing Roxas next to him. I don't know what happened, and I really don't understand why, but seeing Roxas cry like that, I wanted to make it stop. He looked up at me and his eyes widened.

"I-I-I'm sorry…I-I'll leave." He stuttered standing up and quickly rushing towards the door. I grabbed his wrist as he passed m, which made his eyes go even wider. His lips started quivering again as I knelt down to be eye level with him.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked quietly, holding his shoulder gently. His lips quivered harder as he shook his head. He wrapped his arms around my neck tightly and quietly started to cry. I picked him up carefully, I hated seeing him cry, it made…it made my heart hurt. I made a portal and took him back to the castle, he needed to get away from the hospital. I never left his side for more then 5 minutes, I promised him that I'd be his Axel while the real one was unavailable.

I left him for 10 minutes, when I thought he was doing a little bit better, and I came back to see a bloody knife on the floor with a stab wound in his leg and a hole in his hand. I rushed him to the hospital, where he was okay, thank god, but now I saw the other side. Axel was at Roxas' bedside, making sure he was okay. Everything came flooding back and I hated it. I went to a pub that night, got drunk, had sex with a random girl named Tiffany, then two months later I learn that she's pregnant.

Jump forward two years, Tiffany didn't want to take care of our son anymore so she left Thomas to me. He…was the only good thing in my life. He made me, for the first time in years, happy. The only problem was that I had to keep him a secret. Lexaues was one of the few that knew about him and convinced me that Xemnas would be okay with him. I took his advice and carried Thomas up to the Superiors office, excited to introduce him.

"Um…Xemnas?" I asked peeking my head through the door to his office. Xemnas looked up at me and smiled,

"I've been waiting for you Saix." He stood up and walked over to the door.

"Um…Actually, I have something to tell you." I nudged the door open further to reveal Thomas. Xemnas stopped in his tracks and stared daggers at Thomas.

"What is THAT?" He spat at me, fists clenched and eyes narrowing.

"He's my son." I answered quietly, picking him up and holding him close. Suddenly, I got worried. This wasn't going the way I planned and I didn't like the way he was looking at him. Before I could even process what was happening, Xemnas had summoned his Ethereal Blades, and stabbed Thomas through the throat. Thomas screamed for me as blood splattered over me and he went limp in my arms. I stared at his blue eyes that were cold now and…I went numb again. Xemnas took him from me and I went back to my room, in shock, frozen and numb.

I stayed in my room for weeks. Just lying on my bed, staring at the walls. I felt so empty and alone, so unneeded. It was like there was nobody I could trust anymore. I stayed alone, until one night, an old friend came along.

"Saix?" He said quietly, knocking on my door. I tightened my grip on my sheets, noticing that voice from so many years ago.

"What Axel?" I said, my voice shaking from both sadness and nervousness. I hadn't talked to him for years and here he was for an unknown reason.

"I um…Heard about your kid." I flinched from hearing those words. Now it was going around, people knew about him.

"I'm so sorry Saix." I felt him sit down on my bed and touch my shoulder gently. I felt tears well up in my eyes, it felt so good for him to touch me again. I rolled onto my back and looked up at him. When I looked into his green eyes, I got that urge to kiss him again.

"Axel…"I started, sitting up and not looking away form those eyes. "I've missed you."

He touched my cheek and gently slid his fingers down my cheek and under my chin.

"I've missed you too." He whispered, kissing me gently, I was surprised for a few minutes but then I felt an overpowering happiness. Tears started to fall down my cheeks and he gently moved his lips against mine. I pushed him away,

"Roxas," was all I said as he held a finger to my lips.

"We broke up." He whispered, gently stroking my cheek, "I still love you." I blinked at him,

"I-I love you too."

Now a days, it's just Axel and I. We do everything together again, we're inseparable, we cuddle every night before we go to sleep and best of all I have a golden engagement ring that says we're engaged and going to get married soon.


End file.
